BORED!! Extremely so...I shouldn't be...I have a lot of work to do but I just can't seem to get into it today...could be my mood...our competition has a store two doors away from us and they insist on walking by our store ten times per day...just once I wish that we would have a store full of customers when they walk by...

I bought seven pumpkins for the store...I have two carved...really not enjoying it this year...I smell like a giant pumpkin...

This has to be the worst day for sales since we opened...I'm not sure why but Thursday is always like this--well not usually this bad. I have had all of two paying customers today for a grand total of $5.24--one movie rental and one pack of gum...Lord...please send me paying customers!

Anyway...going to go play pinball...trying to beat Mindy and Heather's high scores...it's great being the boss :)
  ¶ 2:06 p.m.

  Chess Attempting to learn...I understand the basics but I can't figure out how the whole checkmate thing works...I think I'm getting better but this was supposed to be an exercise in depleting stress in my life--not adding to it....and yet I'm addicted to this game now no matter how many times the computer beats my sorry ass...anyway...  ¶ 10:10 p.m.

  2:14 am What the hell am I doing up? I had intended on working on "Second Thirst" but I am at a part of the story where I am not sure how to procede. My brain has ceased to function at the moment--forgive my typos and spelling errors...I got a cramp in my right forearm earlier as I was chatting in the jk.com chat room...still hurts especially when I type...not good...

Didn't have supper again tonight...Les came in and gave me a coffee--it didn't sit well--was nausious all night--got home and couldn't eat anything--still feel a weeee bit sickly...tired as hell but I really wanted to write a bit before bed...

I'm now staring at the giant mound of laundry that is piled on my bed--it was formerly piled on my chair but I wanted to write so it ended up on the bed--now there is a sleeping cat on top of the pile--Pussy Willow who kept me awake last night unsure if she wanted to stay or leave but was pretty sure that crying beside my bed would help me make up her mind. Oh hey--there's that skirt I was looking for yesterday...ha ha...2:20 am...



  ¶ 2:20 a.m.

  I am... If only I could be good enough for you,
Happines for you would never end.
If only you'd throw just one glance my way.
One moment of weakness to make you say.
That I am good enough.
That I am all you want.
I am.

  ¶ 2:12 a.m.

  "I'm Not Waiting" I sleep in a room that has no windows,
The only place where the light won't bother me.
I sleep all day, don't want to wake,
The only place where I can peacefully dream

But I'm drowning.
Running but not getting anywhere.
Smiling even though I'm really scared.
Standing still I quickly sink into the ground.
I'm not waiting.
Speed walking through this much too normal life.
Like being single when I'd love to be a wife.
Always trying to lose what I have found.
I'm not waiting.

Feels like there's a gun to my head,
Feel like I'm the cat that forgot to be fed,
Feels like another day of Russian Roulette,
Feel like a fish in a bowl,
I'm not floating so I can't be dead.

But I'm drowning.
Running but not getting anywhere.
Smiling even though I'm really scared.
Standing still I quickly sink into the ground.
I'm not waiting.
Speed walking through this much too normal life.
Like being single when I'd love to be a wife.
Always trying to lose what I have found.
I'm not waiting.





  ¶ 12:30 p.m.

  So so sad... My Sox lost last night but they played a good game... I really feel it could have gone either way...and I kept getting the feeling that the pressure was getting to players on both sides...David Ortiz especially--but as they say--there is always next season...and hopefully this past Penant race has proven that the curse has lost some of it's power...and we all have to admit--New York has an amazing team...so I'll congratulate them despite my broken heart and wish them the best in the World Series...but you know I hope the Marlins will KICK THEIR ASSES!!! LMAO!!!!!

  ¶ 5:37 p.m.

  Overslept this morning.... Well I guess I oversleep every morning so technically I slept in...and yes there is a difference...I wish everyone knew the difference...I had a boss once who threatened to fire me because I had slept in and didn't show up for my 5am shift...I'm sorry you ignorant biotch...I didn't sleep in...that implifies (writer knows 'implifies' is not real word-it's a Jordanism-don't ask) that it was intentional when in fact my alarm failed to wake me...

Anyway...getting off topic here...

My day always starts with me not getting up in time...well I know that I'll have 45 minutes once I get to work to have breakfast and put on my make-up and such....and besides...I own the store so I if I do sleep in I have me to answer to and I tend to go pretty easy on myself when I "sleep in"...

So basically...all I have to do when I get up in the morning is shower, get dressed and get my shit together...so this morning was really no different...I got outta the shower and realize I have exactly five minutes before the bus departs (the bus being my mom in her '94 Grand Prix that is always breaking down)...so I grabbed the first thing I saw to put on--decided it would be casual day as I put on my grey cords and gray Old Navy t-shirt and baby blue hoodie...well I get to work and it's much too hot to keep the hoodie on so I take it off...I'm now all in gray but it's all good...I love gray....except I'm not all in gray...I use the washroom at one point and catch site of something orange on the front of my t-shirt...it's a stain from my lunch about two days ago when my BLT attacked me...apparently it didn't come out in the wash right? Wrong...hadn't been washed...not sure why it was hanging in my closet giving the impression of cleanliness...of course I have about seven different gray t-shirts cause like I said-I really like gray...anyway...I am now baking in a baby blue irregular hoodie...

I can't believe I just wrote about that...I am now certain that I need more stimulation in my life....

  ¶ 11:29 a.m.

  Everyone needs a place on Main Street... It's great...when you're bored...get to watch people walk and drive by...witness accidents...figure out who is at fault...just ten minutes ago a guy tried to cross over two lanes of 5 o'clock traffic...they are across the street at the moment trying to figure out who is at fault...lol...minimal damage to the guy who probably wasn't at fault...he was just minding his own business in the left turn only lane...the other guy got his driver side door pretty banged up when it was slammed into by the quarter ton truck...cops have finally arrived...only took them fifteen minutes...maybe they will come over and question me...wish it was a cute cop but it's just Northrup...bald, big man with a mustache...chances are since it happened directly in front of the store that he'll come over...

Can you tell that I'm bored? LMAO!! I am so bored...

Was having a happy day before I came to work...one of those days when I slept in til 1pm and didn't feel guilty about it...got up had some coffee...took a shower and blared my music until I was ready for work....dressed too warm today....it's been cold...should have known the cool weather wouldn't last. I wish fall would arrive! I wish customers would arrive...business has been extremely slow this week for some odd reason...last week we had our best sales ever...well in the two months that we've been open anyway...lol

Anyway...there are people with late movies that I have to call...oh the glamour of my job...but it's mine so I don't mind doing it...I love having my ownn business even if I sometimes worry if we'll be able to pay the suppliers or our employees...haven't been able to pay myself yet but that will come soon enough...the busy season will arrive with the snow...it's already picking up...but it is sooooo slow through the week...especially the daytime...wish we had cable here--I could at least watch TV...I might consider it after Christmas...

Anyway...should go now...I should do payroll for tomorrow...



  ¶ 5:19 p.m.

  Self loathers repeat after me... "I am who I am and despite myself, I like me!"

  ¶ 12:50 a.m.

  I hate stress... Couldn't sleep last night...major headache all night...got up to take meds and put my back out trying to kick my cat outta my room...I'm at work right now but one of my wonderful employees is on her way to relieve me...God bless you Mindy!

Trying to pass the time while trying not to injure myself further...my niece is coming over for a sleepover tonight for the whole weekend...perfect timing for my back to give out...but at least she's older now and will be happy vegging on the couch watching a movie.

  ¶ 10:23 a.m.

  Just one of those days... This is just a very stressful time in my life...I won't get into it because some of it is personal but today a few things kinda dropped on me and it's hard enough to deal with one let alone three or four at once...

I feel as though the people around me expect me to be Superwoman and save the day...I don't mind responsibility but why do people think I have it in me to always have the right answer and fix things in five seconds...and rely on me to do things when they can do it themselves!

Anyway...had to have myself a rant...

  ¶ 5:01 p.m.

  Farm day in the valley... Ahhh the sweet smell of cow manure in the mid afternoon...you would think that after twenty-five years of living here that I would be used to the smell by now...NO...and I'm not sure that you ever get used to it...not even the frsh popped popcorn can disguise it today...and it doesn't help that it is an abnormally warm fall for this part of the country...evenings and mornings are cool but the afternoon brings warm damp air....and today it is overcast and threatening to rain...

Business is slow today as it always is mid-week...I'm thinking of new promos to get the customers in here...little incentives to spend money like winning cheap knock-offs of watch and sunglass sets...they are nice...they even have a good warranty...but we'll soon see if customers are willing to pay $25 for a ballot...if they spend $45 they get four ballots...I hope that one will peak their interest...

Seriously thinking about setting up a point system...the customer gets so many points for every dollar they spend here...kinda like Air Miles and HBC Reward points....need a funky name for our points...have to think on that one for awhile. It's not like I don't have time today...like I said...very slowwwwwww...I could be doing a few things...making endless calls to customers who have won prizes or owe us money...best to not get that one confused...perhaps I'll leave it to the night supervisor to take care of...afterall...I pay her and not myself so she should have to really work for that paycheck...I'm so mean...I love being the boss ;)



  ¶ 3:04 p.m.